Forgiveness is giving up the right to seek payment on those who have harmed you -ARB

Well time to be honest. I don’t want to sit here trying to be all righteous acting like I never held a grudge. In fact to this day sometimes I still struggle with holding grudges. I’m a very forgiving person of small things. You broke something of mine ? Called me a name behind my back ? Even lied to me, I could forgive all of these things...However your actions now dictate how I proceed in our relationship if there’s one at all.

A couple years back me and my ex had broken up and I held a grudge, like a nasty grudge against him and it was warranted lol but it got me no where. He was off living his life while I was bitter, hating him. I remember it was New Years and I live streamed my Pastor and he was talking about walking into the new year free of everything. Hate, grudges, abuse whatever that you need to be free of, let it go. Needless to say it was my favorite sermon.. He said something to the effect of “ Forgiveness is extremely costly and emotionally expensive “. When I heard that I was like “ PREACH PREACHER “ lol. It’s not easy to forgive people especially after they have hurt you. The first thing you want to do or should I say I want to do is figure out how I’m going to get them back lol. ( again this is an honest post). How can I hurt them and make them feel how I’m feeling?

But baby that emotional toll and hold that grudges have on you are costly. It cost you your peace, time, energy, love and happiness all things that are extremely expensive. So now I take small strides in forgiving people.

Also be clear that just because you forgive someone that doesn’t mean that you have to be friends with them again. I think that’s what a lot people think and that’s why they choose not to forgive like “oh no I don’t like him I don’t like her she’ll never be my friend again” ... that’s fine the forgiving and healing is for yourself not for them. If you choose that you would like to still be their friend after then sure go for it but it’s not mandatory. Its important to understand that just because you’re on this whole mature journey of forgiveness it doesn’t mean that person is going to change. You could forgive them and they do the same offense that landed y’all in that bad place to begin with. At that point you could still forgive but again move accordingly.

I’ve come along way and now some situations roll off me where I no longer have that feeling of wanting to seek revenge or payment and honestly its very freeing. As mentioned earlier I still have times where I find myself holding on to a grudge and I have to check myself like .. is this worth being angry ? How can you change the situation ? “How long will you allow “this or them” to control you”? “ what does it look like to forgive them? “Are you losing or gaining anything by forgiving this person? “ 

Are you free or are you still holding on to that grudge ? What does forgiveness look like to you?